Life According to A Sleepy's Mattress Professional
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Helloooo
Me: Hi, is this Sleepy’s?
Sleepy’s: It is indeed.
Me: I’d like to purchase a bed frame.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Yeah, we got ‘em in stock. You can have one for like seventy five dollars I think.
Me: Okay, great.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Actually.. hold on….yeah like 75. I just had to check something.
Me: Okay, I’ll stop by today.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Awesome
TWO HOURS LATER
I arrive at Sleepy’s. It’s 12 degrees outside and there’s a piece of paper taped to the glass front door, sideways, that says, “Back in ten minutes” with a cell phone number. I tilt my head and call the number.
Me: Hello? Hi, I’m in front of the Sleepy’s store. There’s a note that says, “back in ten,” but I’m wondering when you left the note.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Oh yeah. I left that note cause I went out for breakfast. I’ll be back in like ten minutes.
Me: Oh, I must have just missed you then.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: That’s okay. No problem.
Me: Wait? What?
TWENTY MINUTES LATER
A guy in a really dirty suit and thick glasses comes strolling over holding a gigantic Dunkin’ Donuts bag. I smile even though I think he shouldn’t have left the store to get a million doughnuts. The back of his suit has white glue all over it. My guess is his jacket lining was drooping a little in the back, and so he chose glue to remedy the situation.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Hey how’s it going? Thanks for waiting for me. Beautiful day, isn’t it?
Me: It’s pretty cold out, even with the 12 degrees.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: And the sun is shining!
As we stand outside the door in the bitter cold, I quietly watch him search all of his pockets, over and over again, for the door key to the Sleepy’s store he was hired to manage. I smile encouragingly. I’ve smoked enough pot in my life to know what can happen to keys. I touch my nose to see if it’s still there. The keys don’t appear to be in any of his pockets so he searches the doughnut bag. I try to sway from side to side a little to keep my blood moving.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Wow. I might have left them somewhere.
Me: You definitely did. You should check your car and all of your pockets again. And, in the meantime, I’ll do an errand or two, and come back a little later. One of my toes is so numb it’s numbing the toe next to it. I’d hate to lose any of them.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: You came all the way down here though. It won't be much longer.
Me: I’m really cold. I don’t mind coming back.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: You’re right I should check my car. But don’t leave, okay? The reason I left the store unattended is that I waited for you all morning. I thought you meant that you were coming over right away when you called. I sat here starving to death. I waited as long as I could, and then I was just like, man I gotta eat something. Oh wow I didn’t realize I taped that sign on sideways. That’s messed up.
And then he finds his key in his right hand pocket and holds it up.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: So I’m gonna give you a discount for waiting, okay?
Me: No, seriously? Should you do that?
He points to the Sleepy’s Logo on his desk mug.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Of course I should. That’s me. The Sleepy’s Mattress Professional!
He laughs. So then I laugh.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: My brother is the number one salesman of 7,000 employees.
Me: That’s impressive. What number are you?
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Ha Ha Right. Yeah, well I only work here occasionally. I fill in for my brother if he really needs me.
I wonder if anyone besides him and his brother know that.
Me: What do you do on the other days?
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: I’m a musician.
Me: A h h h. What do you play?
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Everything, man.
Me: Seriously? Every single instrument? You play every instrument?
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Pretty much, yeah.
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: And I sing, produce, write, and I have a line of clothing coming out, too, which should be cool.
I realize my whole approach to living is off. Why shouldn’t a salesman be able to get a quick cup of coffee and a tasty doughnut during business hours to clear his head a little? Sleepy’s isn’t jail. It’s just a store for crying out loud.
Me: What’s your name? I’ll look you up!
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Be True.
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Sleepy’s Mattress Professional: Be True. That’s my name.
Me: Oh, it’s like a stage name.
Be true: No, that’s my name.
Me: So your first name is Be? And your last name is True? Just the letter B or B-e, or B-e-e, or B-e-a like Aunt Bea?
Be true: No, my first name is Be True. A very important person gave it to me and it stuck. It’s my name now, because that’s what I’m all about. I’m True in every way.
Now I’m fiddling with my phone trying to tape the conversation in case he doesn’t actually work at Sleepy’s, but of course my battery is always dead whenever I meet someone named Be True. I decide to trust him, but test his True-ness.
Me: Did you know they spray these mattresses with fire retardant, Be?
Be true: Yeah, they do. Except the Gemma beds. Come over here and take a look.
He walks me over to the Gemma Bed and reads the little tag, which says how safe and clean and chemical free it is.
Be true: I know everything about mattresses. That’s how I knew about the Gemma bed. I’m a mattress geek. And do you want to know why?
Me: I sort of do, yes.
Be true: Because everyone sleeps. Think about that.
We walk back to the computer which Be true tells me is from 1996 because the owner of Sleepys, who also owns Rockaway Bedding, 1-800 mattress (and a few other names I can’t remember) doesn’t want to spend the money for an upgraded computer.
Be True: It’s all about money, man. This whole business.
Me: As so often is the case, with businesses.
Be True: Yeah. So I’m gonna charge you 59.
Me: 59? Really? Are you sure?
Be True: Yes.
Be True starts pressing numbers into the rickety old computer. His fingers are slipping off of every key, I imagine he’s typing a series of cartoon curses $%^&$#%
A receipt comes out of an old-fashioned, boxy printer and he hands it to me. I check for spelling errors. There are none.
Be true goes to the back and comes back carrying the bed frame on his shoulder. He starts walking toward the front door with it, and nods for me to follow him.
Be true: I’ll carry it out for you.
When we get to my car, he slides the frame in, which fits in the car perfectly, and then asks me if I want to put the back seat down.
Me: Not really. The frame fit right in.
Be true: Yeah, it does actually. I see that. It’s perfect. It’s a perfect fit. Awesome.
Me: Okay, well, nice meeting you. Bye.
Be True: Hey listen. . .
Be True: Enjoy this day. That’s what it’s all about.